“I’m approaching 60 and want to leave my assets to leave to my son. How do I make sure I don’t end up funding my future daughter-in-law’s show collection or, if she’s a bad egg, she ends up mistreating my widow?”

“I have three young kids. If I leave money to my husband on my death, what if he marries again or has a girlfriend? How do I make sure he doesn’t squander all my money on a midlife-crisis motorcycle and not provide for my kids? I want to make sure he leaves my assets to my children.”

“I have two children, one of whom is deeply autistic. How do I provide for him, without making his sister feel she’s being discriminated against?”

As Singapore’s population ages (a quarter will be 65 years or above by 2030), and people have more assets to leave to their families, these are some of the common concerns I hear as a lawyer (and, often, friend). People are realising that estate planning isn’t just about distributing wealth, but about ensuring it ends up in the right hands – and stays there.

In Asia where parents can’t help but want to have a say over their children’s life choices even in adulthood, some interesting developments have been happening in legacy planning. Here’s the “quick and dirty” guide.

Trusts

Testators may want to make sure their kids get the money only when old enough to manage it, rather than receive a windfall and squander it on crypto fads or a wild lifestyle. They may also want to provide for the surviving spouse but then have the assets pass to their kids.

These people are turning to trusts.

This is where the testator leaves their assets in the will to a few individuals (typically close friends and family) to hold on trust and be distributed only after certain milestones are met.

Typically, the will would provide that that the trustees can use the trust funds for the medical, educational and living expenses of the surviving spouse and children, but that the children would each get their allocated portion upon attaining a certain age or upon marriage. If there is a family home that the testator wants to go to the children, they could provide that the surviving spouse has the right to live there until death (or remarriage) after which it would become the property of the children.

Rather than have all the assets divided upon death, the trust is a neat way of exerting some degree of control over the assets the testator leaves behind.

There are also family circumstances in which a trust is not just useful, but necessary. Take the example of the testator with a disabled child. That child may have long term financial needs for therapy and care. Having trustees would ensure that funds are managed properly for the benefit of that child.

Family Prenuptial Agreements

You may have heard of weddings being cancelled because the bride or the groom refused to sign a prenuptial agreement.

“Prenups” are contentious. They typically provide that the bride and groom would not have a claim to the other’s assets – especially assets gained from a distribution of family wealth, in particular, before the marriage – if they divorce. Signing a contract that foreshadows a marital split, in between designing monograms for the wedding invitation, can feel like a bucket of cold water thrown over the union.

But among Asian families, where leaving more to male heirs is not uncommon, and often in the expectation that the oldest male heir will manage the assets for the benefit of the other heirs, this can be important.

Enter the family prenup template.

Wealthy families now have a standard prenup that all incoming brides and grooms are asked to sign. It’s not a document specially prepared because the family elders don’t like the look of the one potential spouse, so that takes the personal sting out of it. And if everyone has to sign one before walking down the aisle, as the theory goes, it’s easier to swallow.

Wills

One more word – about wills. In Singapore, talking about death is still taboo; perhaps that’s why 48 per cent of Singaporeans have not written a will, according to a 2022 survey by The Straits Times.

Nowadays it’s easy to do a simple will – you can even download one from the internet and fill in the required fields. That convenience doesn’t take into account the significance of this document.

This is the deceased’s last word from the grave, and the allocation of assets among family members may be a proxy reply to the question “did mom love me as much as she did my siblings?” Fairness in distribution may also not be equitable, such as if the testator during their lifetime gave a lot more financial support to one child or certain grandchildren.

A lot of misunderstanding can be avoided by spelling out the basis of the testator’s decision in the will.

A will is your final mic drop; the last document where human relationships and values can be acknowledged. Leaving a favourite personal item, irrespective of value, to a close friend; a financial bequest to the domestic help who has served the family faithfully for years; or a donation to a cause or charity close to the testator’s heart. These can speak to the things that mattered to the dearly departed.

Wills should be looked at every few years. The one you draw up when you have pre-school children will be focused on their guardianship; the one you write when they’re young adults and you have more disposable assets will be for longer term planning.

Ultimately, death is a deeply personal event. Transparency in the deceased’s intentions and decisions will reduce any misunderstanding and hurt.

Unless, like me, you’re planning on spending your child’s inheritance in your lifetime. He gets to keep the dogs.